I’ve been thinking about forgiveness, about healing, and about the power of song. When I called for a new soundtrack recently, Jess suggested Christina Perri, and for a few days Jar of Hearts was my anthem. Righteous anger can be cathartic, but is it healing? I think not.

Then, a couple of nights ago, I came across the lyrics to Deb Talan’s Forgiven, and I melted. Before I even heard her lovely voice pronouncing the words, I knew this was what I needed to hear, to feel, to live.

You are forgiven
I open all my doors
You are forgiven
What a heart is for
I am no martyr
You give me reason
I try harder
and I wait
for a warmer season
You are

I’d been waiting for my wounds to heal, before I could forgive J. But suddenly I realized that I had the order wrong.

I need to forgive first, and THEN I can heal. They say time heals all wounds, but surely I can hasten the process if I choose to let go of my suffering. Isn’t that the definition of forgiveness — to stop feeling wounded? If I let go of my pain, won’t I be able to forget sooner?

Yes. Yes.

And in that moment, I felt forgiveness.

I hear a soft noise like a sigh,
A singing
like a lullaby
It is my heart
It is this wind
that blows through,
Where you held me closer,
Where we whisper
This is
this is true

I saw him tonight, for the first time in two months. We attended L’s school dance concert, and sat together. He gave me my mail. I gave him his house keys and ATM card.

It didn’t hurt.

The healing has begun.

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  1. ginaidiot

     /  April 28, 2012

    That didn’t hurt!? yay. mine’s not going that well.

  2. Dear wonderful brilliant nice generous loving friend. I’m so glad I heard from you for my birthday. You’re so good. I would love it if you’d come to visit us in Oregon before you decide to jump country and go down under. We would show you a good time. ((hugs)), Teresa :-)

  3. I wish I was the forgiving type. Maybe I wouldn’t be doomed to all this bitterness and bad luck then.

    I am happy that you are in a better place.

  4. oh Hashi….well said.
    You truly are healing since it did not hurt!
    ~Let the healing continue~


  5. Jess

     /  May 5, 2012

    It’s hard to dance with a devil on your back…


  1. such. wild. love. « such wild love
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